Whenever NMC tables at an event, one of the responses we are certain to get is, “Meditation? I could use that!” People stick around long enough to listen to our segue into mediation and what it can help with, but we know that listeners are often a little disappointed that we’re not offering the service they thought we were. One of the things we strive for in mediation, though, is finding common ground. And mediation and meditation are more similar than might be apparent at first glance.
Both practices encourage focusing on the present with the intent of improving the future. Meditation is about letting go of the past and trying to focus on the here and now. Mediation is also about moving on from the past with a focus on coming up with the best agreement for the present, rather than rehashing past events. In both mediation and meditation, focusing on the present is paramount to improving the future. In meditation, one practices now so that future challenges become easier to deal with. In mediation, crafting a durable agreement in the present can help head off the kinds of obstacles that often show up in divorces, parenting plans, or other disputes.
In addition to being focused on the present, both practices encourage a shift away from judgement and toward openness. Meditation encourages being open to all thoughts that happen during the process, thinking about them neutrally as opposed to attaching good or bad values to them. Similarly, mediation reinforces open-mindedness through good faith, which includes coming to the table without judgement and with a curious mind.
In addition to decreasing judgement, both practices involve reducing reactions, and both can be more effective by using some simple techniques to reduce reactivity. Breathing is one of the most popular techniques in meditation; it provides something to focus on and regulates the body, both of which can have calming effects. Breathing can also be used in mediation. When you’re talking to someone who you’re in conflict with, it’s no surprise that what the other person says might provoke strong feelings, which, unchecked, can lead to detrimental reactions. Taking a pause to breathe can help the body reset and allow for a more thoughtful response. Other techniques like touching a sensory item or focusing on an object can also be used to positive effect in both meditation and mediation.
Mediation, like meditation, aims to help people restore balance in their lives through focusing on the present, cultivating an open mind, and avoiding emotional traps that spiral into destructive reactions. In both practices, the ultimate goal is to decrease tension and find healthy solutions to problems. And by practicing open-mindedness, focusing on the opportunities of the future and maintaining a balanced emotional state, the process can be much more productive and enlightening.